Tara Conner talked with Matt Lauer in an interview for The Today Show this morning and answered questions about her recent scandal, alleged cocaine use and sexual addiction.
This is the transcript.
Matt Lauer: Tara Conner, good morning, nice to see you.
Tara Conner: Good morning, how are you?
ML: I'm fine, I guess the most important question is, how are you?
TC: I'm very well.
ML: Yeah?
TC: Yes.
ML: It's been an interesting couple of months.
TC: It has been an interesting couple of months.
ML: I first met you a couple of days ago, and you said, "Matt if you had met me six months ago and met me again today, you would say the difference in me is night and day."
TC: Completely night and day.
ML: What is the difference?
TC: When I was in active addiction and active alcoholism I, um, I was very manipulative, and I was a very dishonest person, and I ... I don't know, it was basically insanity, and now, I have a really good feel for who I am, and, you know, I've faced some of the things that may have brought some of these things on.
ML: All in 30 days of rehab? I mean, can you change that quickly?
TC: It's a process, you know, it's recovery. Nothing changes overnight. You have to take it one day at a time.
ML: I think the last time most people saw you, Tara, you were standing at a press conference in a sea of reporters. You were pretty emotional, and one of the things you said in that press conference when asked if you were an alcoholic was, "No." You said, "I think that would be stretching the envelope." And today you say, "I'm an alcoholic." What changed your mind?
TC: Um, I think at that point I was in denial. Um, I never thought that I could actually come out and say, you know, I'm an alcoholic, because, you know, in active alcoholism and addiction you have distorted thinking, you know, denial is a big thing you have to, that's your first step, you have to accept that you are an alcoholic, and it was very hard for me to come to that conclusion, because then, I didn't think that I had issues.
I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. I thought: "Well, I'm going to be going to rehab, get some free therapy," which was the most ridiculous thing I could have possibly thought or said, but I had distorted thinking.
It wasn't actually me thinking.
ML: Let's go back a little. I mean, you're a small-town girl. Russell Springs, Kentucky, three traffic lights, it's a dry town, you come to the Big Apple and you're crowned Miss USA, and you're supposed to be a do-gooder, you're supposed to show up at charity events and functions, and be a role model, and in some ways you were a bit of Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde.
TC: Yeah, that's a very, very good way of putting it. Um, when it came to doing my job, I was awesome at my job. I was always very, very good at it.
But, I didn't know how to combine Tara Conner and Miss USA, and that was very hard for me, because, you know, when it was time to walk away and take the sash off, I turned into a completely different person.
And, you know, the sad thing is, is a lot of people knew it was going on, but I could still manipulate them into thinking, "No, everything's fine with me, you know, do you see pictures, do you see anything? No, I don't see anything."
ML: And there was friction between you and the pageant people from the very beginning.
TC: Absolutely.
ML: Let me get to some of the allegations. Let's just take them head-on, and you tell me. All right, that you were out late at night drinking in bars, in clubs -- I'm not talking about a glass of wine here and a glass of wine there, you know, Jack and Coke, or whatever you drink. And that would have been, by the way, underage drinking.
TC: Absolutely. I've never had a legal drink before.
ML: Because you just turned 21.
TC: Because I just turned 21.
ML: So it's true?
TC: So it's true, yes.
ML: You were out at those clubs late, and sneaking out of the apartment to accomplish that?
TC: Mmm hmm.
ML: Uh, there is talk about drugs.
TC: Yes.
ML: And there was even a report that you were tested for cocaine, and you failed.
TC: I was tested, I personally haven't seen the results of the test, so I'm not sure what showed up, but it is quite possible that cocaine could have showed up, because I've used cocaine before.
ML: So you used cocaine as Miss USA.
TC: Yes.
ML: Had you also used cocaine prior to becoming Miss USA?
TC: I think I had tried it before, yeah.
ML: How old were you when you tried it the first time?
TC: Oh, gosh, probably, uh, 19, 20.
ML: And was this recreational use, or did you have a cocaine addiction?
TC: Um, I think with anything that I put in my body ... the thing about alcoholism and addiction is, regardless of what you use, whether it be alcohol, whether it be cocaine, whether it be pills, you're going to have an allergic reaction to it if you have this disease. And, for me, my allergic reaction is either going to put me in handcuffs, in an institution, or it's going to kill me.
And for me, it all had the same effect. I was an equal-opportunity user, and nothing fazed me.
You know, I would take what I could get, because I was trying to mask so many things I felt inside, and I had a lot of pain and insecurity. So I would take these things to try to fill a void that was within me.
ML: There were other allegations that you were sneaking men into your apartment, provided by Mr. Trump, and that you were finding ways to have casual sexual relationships with a series of men.
TC: I don't know about the casual sexual (unintelligible) or whatever, about that, but we're allowed to have people come into our apartment, whether it be, you know, I've had an ex-boyfriend before, whether he came up, he came up once.
You know, I have male friends, doesn't mean I'm having sex with them.
ML: You don't have a sexual addiction.
TC: I do not have a sexual addiction, no.
ML: We first sat down for an interview, that's going to air on Dateline on NBC this weekend, a couple of days ago. We started talking about these things.
TC: Yeah.
ML: And you said to me, "I've got issues, I have demons," and in the same sentence you started talking about how people have treated you, your word, like "crap," and how you've been betrayed.
And, to put it, um, delicately, I've got, maybe I've done too many of these interviews, but there's a sense I got that there is more, that you're not completely being honest about.
TC: Well, when in early recovery, there's tons of things you learn about yourself, and when I was in rehab, I faced a lot of things, a lot of demons if you want to call them demons.
And, you know, there was some times where I was betrayed, and, you know, I've witnessed some things, and I've had some experiences that have troubled me, but you know, out of the respect of my family, again, I get to keep some of this for myself, and I haven't had a chance to sit down with my family at all.
I mean, everyone listening to this knows just as much about me as my family does.
ML: I guess, though, that my job is to try and get you to be honest. And has there been abuse of some kind in your background?
TC: I will not deny that I've, you know, witnessed some abuse, but out of the respect of my family, I have not discussed it with them yet.
You know, this is something that I need to take one day at a time. It's too early in my recovery for me to give it. ...
ML: But physical abuse? Sexual abuse? Or, can you clarify that?
TC: I, I, again, it's something I would like to speak with my family about first, and I would, you know, I would like the respect of privacy, because I'm giving all that I can right now.
Later on, maybe I will feel more comfortable speaking on these topics, but right now, not so much.
ML: Can you tell me if it's recent, or is this something from earlier in childhood?
TC: Um, we'll just say it was early on.
ML: Have you had a chance to confront the people responsible?
TC: Yes.
ML: And you've kind of put me in a strange position here, because you've just said to me a few minutes ago you're a very manipulative person, and so I guess I need to ask you, if you're alluding to something here, is this part of the manipulation?
TC: What?
ML: If you say that there's maybe abuse, some people would say, "Wait a second, she's manipulating Matt now."
TC: In no way am I manipulating you at all. The great thing about my recovery right now is, this is the most honest I have ever been in my entire life, because before, I didn't have the capacity to be an honest person. So I'm giving as much as I can right now.
ML: Let me go back to the behavior that nearly cost you your crown. OK, at some point while all this was going on, you're out at these clubs, and you're doing cocaine, were you saying to yourself, "If I get caught with this, I'm out on my butt?"
TC: In the back of my head, yeah, that was always a thought, but you know, I felt like I had complete control over everything that I was doing, and for some reason I just know that, you know, it's all going to be good, and this person understands me, this person understands me, I had a lot of enablers, and I felt like everything was OK.
ML: Where were the chaperones, by the way? I've heard people say that to me, when they knew I was going to talk to you: Where were the people who were supposed to be watching Tara Conner, when she was sneaking out to these clubs?
TC: This organization, they're not baby sitters. The Miss Universe organization has a job, to, you know, supply the girls with the needs that we have, because I live with Miss Teen USA and Miss Universe, and they don't chaperone us. We have publicists, we have managers, just like any other person that does anything in the media or in the public eye. But when it's time to go home, everyone has to go home after work, so they're not going to follow us home to our apartment.
ML: So you weren't shutting the door, looking through the peephole of the apartment and you watched them walk to the elevator. ...
TC: Of course I did, of course I did, because to them I wanted everything to seem OK, I put on a mask because I was very good at that.
ML: Donald Trump gave you this second chance, and a lot of people screamed "Publicity!" And a a lot of other people, by the way, Tara, involved with other pageants, even some former Miss USAs have said you didn't deserve a second chance. Drug use, underage drinking, deal-breaker, game over. How do you respond to that?
TC: To me, the way I respond is, I think it says more about the organization and about Mr. Trump as well if we can face ... the Miss Universe organization uses their platforms, and it takes the tools that they can give to these girls to make them the most intelligent, the most powerful and strong individuals they possibly can, to help them in their future. And they're a launch board for that. And for them to say, "This girl has an issue, because she has a disease," it's a completely different topic.
ML: So you were crowned, and you were supposed to be one kind of a role model, and you think you can turn that around now and be a different kind of a role model, maybe just as effective?
TC: I hope that I can be just as effective. You know, I champion breast and ovarian cancer awareness as Miss USA, but, coming to know Tara, and knowing myself now, I realize that there is something else that I'm very passionate about, which is not only abstinence from drugs and alcohol, obviously, but the education. There's a need for education about alcoholism and drug addiction.
ML: And just quickly let me touch on this. There have been reports that Playboy is all over you, trying to get you to pose in their magazine, and a lot of people would say, "Wait a second, if she's now coming clean, wants to chart a different course, run like crazy from Playboy."
Will you just look me in the eye and say you will not pose nude in Playboy?
TC: I will not pose nude in Playboy.
ML: Positive.
TC: Positive.
ML: Tara Conner.
Spicy
Source: Kentucky.com
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